Humour-English

Signs that you are Addicted to the INTERNET! ! ! !

1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy-----for a year!!!!!"(FOR DIAL UP'S)
2. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
3. Tech support calls YOU for help.
4. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
5. You end your sentences with.....three or more periods.......
6. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
7. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
8. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
9. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ ......instead of ICU! ... » read more

The top marketing director of Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with
the Pope at the Vatican.

The Nescafe official whispers, 'Your
Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer
for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church . if you
change the Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to
'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

The Pope is angry and shouts, "That is impossible. The Prayer is
the word of the Lord, It must not be changed." Well," says the Nescafe
man
somewhat taken aback, "We anticipated this. For this reason,
and
the importance of the Lord's prayer to all catholics, we will increase ... » read more

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article.One
of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a
wife.

BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my
current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the
injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue.

ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must
be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be ... » read more

A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a
Room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks
You embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer.

The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you
Embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot
Understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The
Attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3
Million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." ... » read more

A young boy had just gotten his drivers permit and inquired of his
Father, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "I'll
Make a deal with you.
You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a
Little, get your hair cut and we*ll talk about the car."

Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and settled for the
Offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks they went in to the study, where his father said,
"Son, I*ve been real proud. You*ve brought your grades up, and I*ve
Observed that you
Have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible ... » read more