Engineering .. the untold truth

1. Some Basic definitions..

Engineering College : Place where you're punished for
getting good HSC marks.
Babe : After two years in Engineering, anything
remotely female qualifies for that title...
Senior : Guy who got ragged as junior and wanna get
some payback...
Fresher : Guy who has to ask where the canteen is...
Really Dumb Fresher : Guy who asks a senior where the
canteen is.
Really Really Dumb fresher : Guy who follows the
senior to the canteen.
Ragging : The unfortunate fate of the previous idiot.
Evasive action : Watch the juniors when any seniors
come nearby. (No one runs faster than a fresher. NO
ONE.)
Lectures : Waste of time..physical presence is a
must...only meant for sleeping, completing assignemtns
& genral TP
Tutions : What you take when you don't waste enough
time....
Professor : Person paid to put students to sleep.
Vernac Prof : Unusual variant of previous individual
who comes packaged with his own brand of English ("Now
you check me our journal." "You Out get from class."
"Are you Understand, Beta?" )
Practicals : 60 to 90 minutes in which you watch the
girls do your experiment,and usually destroy a
considerable array of lab equipment.
Hopeless Practical : The practical in which there are
no girls in your group simply look blankly at each
other, fiddle with the equipment, and finally copy the
readings. from the girls of course...).


2. The Truth about exams....
Timing...when ur non enginering GF/BF is free to enjoy
while u slog with submisisons & exams
Irony : The guy who copied your entire paper passes
and you flunk.
Critical Calculation : Summing up the marks you
attempted worth in the exam...
KT : Makes you suicidal..the WAY of life...
Year Drop : Makes dadh omicidal.
Reverification : A cruel joke. (results of which come
after you give the KT exam).

4. The Years of Engineering
F.E. Fond of Engineering
S.E. Sick Of Engineering
T.E. Tired of Engineering
B.E. Balls to Engineering
is it worth it???
Engineers Anthem:
Hum Honge All Clear,Honge AllC lear, Honge All Clear
Ek Din, OH-HO, Mann me hai vishwas, pura hai vishwas,
hum hoge all clear ek din

Top two Engineering Rumors:
'Did you hear the results are being put up today at
5:30pm'
'Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks,
its been put up at VJTI'

The most dreaded acronym for Engineers:
ATKT ( After Trying Keep Trying)
The most important criteria while selecting an
engineering college:
Girl to Boy ratio ( if more than0 .025% then that
college is engineers dream come true)

Engineers at work:
Assignments solved by one and then carrying out mass
transfer operations throughout the class
The most important machine for Engineers:
Xerox Machine (Without which assignment completion
wouldn't be possible)

The most important table in an Engineer's House:
The glass table ( to carry out GT operations, during
Night Duty.)

The only queue an Engineer is familiar with:
Submission Queue
An Engineer's favourite watch:
Bird Watch !

Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:
'What is this yaar, more than 70% of the paper was out
of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire
engineering history'
'I am failing....I got screwed royally'
Feeling after Completing Engineering:
Survived Engineering !!!!!!!!!!!

What you will learn in Engineering (Mumbai Univ)

  You can study hard and still fail
  You can not study and pass
  Multiple choice does not mean easy
  Earlier batches of engineers were lucky!
  Six exams can be written in 4 days, but it hurts
  You can skip all the classes, study for 15 minutes before the final and still do better than an arts student in any arts class
  Pi to six decimal places
  Judging by my fellow students, engineers are either drunks or geeks
  Everyone is someone else's wierdo
  Front Row people are wierd
  Those who can, do, those who can't, teach
  A 95.75% can be an A
  An 80.1% can be an A+
  You can kill your neighbors with a 9 volt battery

Mechanical & Civil Engineers
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers
and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons!
Civil Engineers build targets!

How many first year engineering students does it take
to change a light bulb?
None. That's a second year subject.

How many second year engineering students does it take
to change a light bulb?
One, but the rest of the class copies the report.

How many third year engineering students does it take
to change a light bulb?
"Will this question be in the final examination?"

How many electrical engineers does it take to change a
light bulb?
None. They simply redefine darkness as the industry
standard.

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